How about starting from the end?

Have you ever experienced that situation where, freshly landed in your new life abroad, full of promise and excitement, you nonetheless feel a deep melancholy, even a persistent ache?

Each day, you can’t help but compare your current daily life to the one you had before, in your home country.

Expatriation is an exhilarating adventure, but it also comes with many emotional challenges. Many expats find themselves facing a lingering sense of discomfort, even after weeks or months in their new country. Why does this discomfort persist?

 

The mistake: willing to move forward too quickly

 

An international life transition is a delicate step that requires careful attention.

Indeed, this is a transition that is sudden (within a few hours, you find yourself parachuted into another world), global (affecting all aspects of your life without exception), and inevitable. We leave behind our job, friends, family, home, and familiar surroundings.

So, we follow the usual advice given to expats:

    Join a welcoming group or fellow compatriots
    Quickly build a social network
    Find activities to occupy your time

However, it’s important to realize that this is not enough. Why?

Because there is an essential step to truly moving forward: “mourning your past life.”

 

The imprint of the past: a burden to lighten

To truly give this new life a chance to be a fulfilling experience, it’s crucial to let go of the imprint left by your former life. By imprint, I mean things like:

    Your familiar surroundings in places you loved (that cozy café, that trendy restaurant where you had your regular get-togethers with friends)
    The moments with your loved ones that brought you personal balance
    That career you were passionate about and spent so much time building, which you had to leave behind to follow your partner

This process can be compared to a love story ♥️:

After a breakup, it’s rarely advisable to rush hastily into new relationships or commitments. Once the heartache has passed and the mourning is complete, it’s then time for new emotions to bloom.

 

A more conducive context for discomfort:

I’ve noticed that this difficulty in turning the page is often more pronounced when the departure was rushed, and the process of detachment couldn’t unfold properly.

This is also true when expatriation was unconsciously imposed, forcing us to “sacrifice” part of ourselves to follow our partner.

Take the example of Julie, a French expat in the United States. She followed her husband right after getting the promotion of her dreams in the luxury industry and had to move within just four months.

Despite all her efforts to feel good since her arrival, she sinks deeper into melancholy every day.

The mourning phase: a key step.

Some advice:

First of all, start by being kind and compassionate toward yourself. Avoid feeling guilty, as this process can take time.

Mourning the past is a necessary step for growth. It allows us to honor what once was and release the emotional attachments that no longer serve us. In doing so, we create space for new perspectives, new experiences, and new people.

Here are a few ideas to help you move forward:

    Questions to identify attachments:

    Why am I attached to this situation/person/emotion?
    What needs or desires does this attachment satisfy?
    How does this attachment affect me emotionally and physically?
    What are the feelings associated with it? List the emotions linked to each attachment.

    Create transition rituals:

Rituals can help to symbolize the transition from one life stage to another.

Here are some examples:

    Closing Ceremony:

Write a letter to your former life, expressing your goodbyes, gratitude, and wishes for the future. This letter can be symbolically burned or buried as a way to mark the end of a chapter.

    Journaling:

Keep a journal where you can document your experiences and preserve precious memories of your expat journey. List the things that were difficult for you, what you thought, what you felt, how you reacted, and how you could do things differently from now on.

    Home Sweet Home:

Why not create a monthly day dedicated to your home country? Listen to your favorite music, prepare your favorite traditional dish, and take the opportunity to have a video call with your loved ones.

Let your heart and creativity speak…😉

 

To Conclude:

Remember that it’s perfectly normal to feel some nostalgia and to have difficulty quickly feeling at ease as an expat.

Mourning your past life is a crucial step to fully embracing your new life abroad. Give yourself the time to go through this process and establish the rituals that make you feel good to finally open yourself up to new experiences.

By taking the necessary time for this mourning process, you’ll be able to feel more in harmony with your new environment and look to the future with optimism and serenity. 🌍✨